On September 19th, 2012 there was no longer a lie to believe. I was used to no avail, but fear of sobriety hindered me. There was a mustard seed planted about sobriety, and a microscopic particle of willingness inside of me to pursue this life. September 19th was my first day with clean urine, I arrived in rehab 4 days prior, detoxing almost cold turkey, under a doctor’s supervision. God landed me in that rehab. I say this because it contradicted everything my will intended for me. I could not keep me sober, and I still cannot keep myself sober.
Now, but for the grace of that same God, almost 2 years later I am still sober. That dreaded word “God” was one that I was in full flight from for a long time. When I got sober, I entered into a 12-step program. It wasn’t my first rodeo in the rooms, but this time reflecting on my experience, I quickly saw where I had always failed. Staying sober was not possible left to my own devices. About 1 month sober I remember saying this prayer, “Hey God, I don’t know who or what you are, but I need your help.”
Now I would be lying if I said I had a white light experience at that very moment. For a long time after, I said that prayer and I did not believe that any change had occurred or spiritually had entered my life. However looking back, in retrospect, I can see this Power working in my life. Not to say it wasn’t always present, Hell, the fact that I am alive illustrates that, but the abrupt spiritual experience lies in the ability to see him working.
Shortly after this prayer a sponsor came into my life armed with the truth about this disease in a way which carried depth and weight to the degree that I trusted him, and I identified with him. I was willing to follow his suggestions – in turn he taught me about services and spiritual principles. He also taught me that recovery is an inside job and I must be willing to grow every day.
Today I am free… Through the blessings of God, service to others, my continuous membership, and attendance at a 12-step fellowship I have been able to stay sober. I can confidently say I am comfortable with my sobriety. Today I have to opportunity to be helpful to other men. I am an employee at a nursing home where I am able to be of service as well. As for my body boarding career – I have finally picked up where I left off at age 16. A professional career is on the horizon. Not to mention I enjoy nothing more than being in the water. My family for the most part is back in my life. They are really the people I took to and put through Hell.